Tragedy is afoot in the sex-having community. According to a highly dubious survey, there exist multiple people in this world who’ve had sex while wearing AirPods.
This “study,” which was conducted by the ticket selling platform TickPick, focuses on “the intersection of music and sexual preferences.” Basically, it surveyed 1,010 people about a bunch of music and sex stuff, most of which is fairly boring. (Of course nearly one in four folk fans has cried during sex.)
But one of its findings is outright disturbing: 17 percent of respondents who own AirPods said they’d left their AirPods in during sex. Were they playing audio while the sex was happening? We can’t be sure. But imagine having sex with someone while simultaneously understanding that they were wearing — and we can’t stress this enough — AirPods. AirPods are ugly, gross, and ethically dubious — basically everything you don’t want to associate with a sexual partner!
Of course, we must take this survey with a hefty grain of salt. Keep in mind that only 17 percent of AirPods owners surveyed said they’d had sex while wearing them, not 17 percent of the total participants. For example, if only 100 participants own AirPods in the first place, then only 17 people admitted to participating in AirPod-inclusive intercourse. Is that still too many people? Yes! But it’s not necessarily indicative of a wider trend.
What we’re trying to say is this: Please take your ear wax baskets out before fucking. Thank you.
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